Friday, May 10, 2013

     Yesterday, the beautiful and terrible Atlantic Ocean claimed the lives of two of my closest friends, while a third dear, dear friend, watched helplessly.

  And after writing that sentence on Monday, my words just dried up.  I have not been able to write, speak, or even think.  It's been an awful week, filled with phone calls that nobody wants to receive, and a To Do list filled with items nobody wants to have to do. I have literally "worked" my way through these past four days by staying too busy to stop too long to have to think too much.

  I grew up in a family that values stoicism over almost all other "virtues."  It is ingrained in me to not show emotion, not "make a fuss," as my Nana would say.  So I haven't.  I've prepared meals, made phone calls, run errands, gathered photos, and otherwise been practical and useful.  For a few more days, while there are still public gatherings to attend, I'll appear to remain "together."  And then I won't be.

     Unlike the generations that went before me, I'm okay with that.  Well, I'm not okay with any of this.  And that's the point.  None of this is okay. It is awful.  Simply awful.  I'm supposed to feel awful.  Which is good, because I do. I am heart sick. And I'm going to be for a long time.



  1. But youre not alone...therein lies the differnce because we will all feel awful for awhile and we will have eachother to turn to and lean on. We will have good days and bad, we will laugh and feel guilty, we will be angry and confused...but we will not be alone. I love you my forever sister friend.

  2. I believe that showing your emotions is a sign of strength, never feel you need to appear to hold it together with us...we get it!

  3. Intellectually I know it is. And in my heart, I know that none of you care if I hold it together or not.

    It's just genetic. My people don't make a fuss, you know. It's simply not done. (My people can be dumb.)

    Thank you, for being so caring. xo